The success of any Tinder opening line depends on a variety of factors like her age, relationship intent, emotional state, etc. There's no magical Tinder line that works every time, because the most important factor of all is simply how she feels about the person who sent the message. That's why you need to knock it out of the park with ...CLEAN JOKES Funny ONE-liners! · Rembrandt painted 700 pictures in his life time and Americans have all 7000 of them. · I just flew in from New York. · They say the ...Apr 14, 2022 · Funny One Liner Jokes 1. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job.” 2. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. There was no coffin at his funeral. 3. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. 4. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. 1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. 3. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. 4. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke. 5. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit … See moreYou have two parts of the brain, “left” and “right”. On the left side, there’s nothing right and on the right side, there’s nothing left. Why do bees hum? They don’t …Inspirational funny one liners. We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check …Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. · Too Much Time · Kids These Days · Bar Set High.The greatest dad jokes (that are actually funny) Silly puns, corny one-liners, and clever, yet cringeworthy, jokes. Sometimes, all we need is a good dad joke to burst out laughing and make our day ...Popular Quotes on Chimpanzees. “Basically, we are chimpanzees with about two percent more intelligence and a little less hair.”. — Ted Turner. “There are five kinds of great apes: bonobos, chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas, and the one which people always think of last: Humans!”. — Andy Dunn.A blind man walked into a bar…. And a table…. And a chair…. Two nuns walked into a bar... third one ducked... didn't want it to become a habit. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list. The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar.News_of_Entwives: The shovel really was a groundbreaking invention. eraser_dust: "Letting go of a loved one can be hard, but sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.". DukeMcGoober: Then God said unto John: "Come forth and receive eternal life.". But John came fifth and won a toaster.Top 1435 Best Funny One Liners 2021 You are here: Home Uncategorized Top 1435 Best Funny One… Funny One Liners "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths." "I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila." "I don't have a beer gut.Answer (1 of 532): * What is blue and smells just like red paint? Blue paint * I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes. * Things are a lot more like they used to be than they are now. * Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to ...Best One Liners 1. They say money talks but mine can only say goodbye. 2. When I say I am a bad electrician somebody gets shocked and my community still wonders why. 3. I asked her why she drew the eyebrows that high and she seems surprised! 4. A toad in a tank asked his friend, "can you drink this thing?" 5.Funny One Liner Jokes 1. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job.” 2. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. There was no coffin at his funeral. 3. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. 4. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.The line has become one of the most famous quotes from a film. It is a thrilling scene that gets elevated thanks to Al Pacino’s killer (no pun intended) delivery. 5. “May The Force Be With You” – Star Wars (1977) A line that serves many purposes. It is one of the most commonly used one-liners from a film.42 Funny One Liner Jokes by Stephen on March 25, 2013 Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes. o O o A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. o O o How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! o O oPhoto about Thinking of a funny one-liner to type back. A young woman working on her digital tablet. Image of house, casual, beautiful - 266375103Funny One Liners Goal One Liners Golf One Liners Good Morning One Liners Goodbye One Liners Graduation One Liners Idiot One Liners Inspirational One Liners Insult One Liners Kiss One Liners Lawyer One Liners Life One Liners Love One Liners Marriage One Liners Men One Liners Missing You One Liners Mother One Liners New Year …Clean One Liner Jokes. 91. People tell me I'm condescending. (Leans in real close) That means I talk down to people. 92. "Proof that we don't understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.". — Jerry Seinfeld. 93. I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.Clever one-liners to have on-hand Shutterstock "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths." "I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of …Pun enters a room, kills 10 people. Pun in, 10 dead. One liner tags: death, puns. 73.38 % / 34 votes. When you have two choices and you take one away, you have zero choices. …11 Mei 2022 ... Funny One-Liners ... 1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't ...Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving. One liner tags: car, life, sarcastic. 82.97 % / 1798 votes. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for …Photo about Thinking of a funny one-liner to type back. A young woman working on her digital tablet. Image of house, casual, beautiful - 26637510340 of the Funniest One-Liners on the Internet. By Tim Latterner, RD.com Updated: Apr. 09, 2021. When done right, a simple one-liner can deliver the biggest laughs. Take a few cues from the masters, including Mel Brooks, David Letterman and Jim Gaffigan. 1 / 39.15 Very Funny One-Liners by Billy Connolly. 37 funny comebacks for dealing with rude people. 21 witty short jokes to tickle you and brighten your day. The 30 best …Funny Incidents "For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper." "The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it." "Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money." "A travel agent told I could spend seven nights in Hawaii… no days, just nights."Funny one liners Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off. One liner tags: intelligence, life 82.73 % / 930 votes. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. One liner tags: health, life 82.73 % / 597 votes. I changed my password to "incorrect".27. God must love stupid people. He made so many. 28. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 29. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. 30. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. The greatest dad jokes (that are actually funny) Silly puns, corny one-liners, and clever, yet cringeworthy, jokes. Sometimes, all we need is a good dad joke to burst out laughing and make our day ...328 Work One Liners - The funniest work jokes - OneLineFun.com Work one liners I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. One liner tags: life, time, work 83.12 % / 1357 votes.funny one liner comedy,standup comedy13) Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. 14) When in doubt, mumble. 15) I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila. 16) There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.May 11, 2022 · 1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. 3. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.... Let the funny one-liner jokes begin! 1) What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO. 2) The best thing about the good old days is that we were neither good nor old. 3) Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. 4) I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered. 5) “What did the alien say to the cat?13. "There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups." 14. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away ...The standard, traditional t-shirt for everyday wear; Classic, generous, boxy fit; Male model shown is 6'0" / 183 cm tall and wearing size Medium; Female model shown is 5'8" / 173 cm tall and wearing size SmallFrom witty one-liners that require some humor to good one-liners to share with kids, these hilarious jokes will make any conversation more lively. So whether you enjoy texting funny one-liners to your best friend or can't wait to test these out in public, here are the 101 best one-liners. Funny One-Liners My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.Really Funny One-Liners Read those really good short jokes and find yourself laughing like a hyena. What do you call it when a 4'9'' woman dates a 6'5'' man? - A long-distance relationship. What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee? - A depresso. I used to breed rabbits.11 Clean One Liner Jokes “Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.” “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.” “A computer once beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kickboxing.” “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Funny One-Liners On Life. "Life is a terminal disease.". "Take my advice — I'm not using it.". "A clean house is a sign of a misspent life". "Don't trust atoms, they make up everything". "If you fall, I'll be there.". - Floor. "Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives". "Always be sincere ...Here are 20 classic one-liners: Woody Allen: "Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Steven Wright: "I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly ." Demetri Martin: "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades ."Jun 29, 2022 · And that’s just in the hot dogs.”. – David Letterman. “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”. – Steve Martin. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realised that ... His head is brighter than my future. When bald people wash their face, how far up do they go? What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hairline. What do you call lice on a hairless head of a man? Homeless. When did the guy with a hairless head leave the wig shop without a wig? Because he forgot toupee.“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.” – Tim Vine “Do you know what I love most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that’s just...Funny one liners I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out. One liner tags: puns, sport 86.54 % / 753 votes. share I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me. One liner tags: puns 86.12 % / 233 votes. share What's Blonde and dead in a closet? The laughs keep coming as Kenya Barris and Jonah Hill take a simple premise – a 2023-era Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner – and lace it with enough sharp one-liners to punch up an entire year ...Charles Shulz. “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”. – George Carlin. A day without laughter is a day wasted. Charlie Chaplin. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. …DiVincenzo shares funny Klay one-liner after 11-assist game. Jan 27, 2023. Warriors. Donte DiVincenzo joins "Warriors Postgame Live" after setting a career-high in assists with 11 in a the 129-117 win over the Raptors.1 Happy Birthday One-Liners for Friends. 2 Happy Birthday One-Liners for your Sister. 3 One-Liners for your Brother's Birthday. 4 Wish Happy Birthday to your Mom in a single sentence. 5 Happy Birthday One-Liners for your Dad. 6 Birthday Wishes for your Love in a Single Line. 7 Happy Birthday One-Liners for your Ex.Especially if you struggle to remember the longer jokes. If you like the longer longer jokes, check out our selection of clean golf jokes here, or if you aren't easily offended, our rude golf jokes are here. If you are playing with a golfer who says they never cheat, they're also a liar. ———-. My golf game is a lot like masturbating ...What are the funniest redneck quips or one liners you've heard? Related Topics . Reddit Ask Social media Mobile app Meta/Reddit Information & communications technology Technology . comment sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A Add a …Nov 5, 2021 · The greatest funny one-liners If you're looking for the biggest laughs from the fewest words, you've come to the right place. In honor of Reader's Digest 's 100th anniversary, we've collected... 2. "Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen." Single Track World 3. "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that...Funny One Liners Goal One Liners Golf One Liners Good Morning One Liners Goodbye One Liners Graduation One Liners Idiot One Liners Inspirational One Liners Insult One Liners Kiss One Liners Lawyer One Liners Life One Liners Love One Liners Marriage One Liners Men One Liners Missing You One Liners Mother One Liners New Year …Ironically, the only somewhat tranquil kill he delivered was against Sentinel, everyone else he brutalized. 687. 127. r/Transformemes.A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. Punchy, concise, and clever, they often make use of play on words, double meaning, or double-entendre. Some comedians use one-liners as a basis for their comedic method. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven …41. “PMS jokes are not funny — period!”. 42. “I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — all it was doing was gathering dust.”. 43. “It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally.”. 44. “Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.”. 45.#shorts Amazing one liner from best stand up comedian in India. Love you Kapil sharma for making viewers laugh.... you are awesome at your job.....Kapil at h...of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. "Why did the old woman fall into the well?" "Because she couldn’t see that well." — tocamix90 03 of 24 Logical Thinking Via Getty … Popular Quotes on Chimpanzees. “Basically, we are chimpanzees with about two percent more intelligence and a little less hair.”. — Ted Turner. “There are five kinds of great apes: bonobos, chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas, and the one which people always think of last: Humans!”. — Andy Dunn.Master of the one-liner Tim Vine makes a few appearances in our epic quick jokes list (Photo: BBC) By Alex Nelson July 29, 2019 3:19 pm (Updated October 8, 2020 …Don’t kill them for your fun. My mom never came back. Say NO to Trophy hunting What is my crime? Protect and respect Let’s save our baboons I love Baboons, Do you? Let’s join hands to save Baboons Don’t let me disappear Together we can save Baboons Save Baboon, Save life… Save planet Live & let live Jungles and baboons are made for each …You have two parts of the brain, "left" and "right". On the left side, there's nothing right and on the right side, there's nothing left. Why do bees hum? They don't remember the lyrics! I have a dog to provide me with unconditional love, but I also have a cat to remind me that I don't deserve it. It's all about balance. Don't spell part backward.His head is brighter than my future. When bald people wash their face, how far up do they go? What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hairline. What do you call lice on a hairless head of a man? Homeless. When did the guy with a hairless head leave the wig shop without a wig? Because he forgot toupee.Pour télécharger le de Funniest One Liners, il suffit de suivre Funniest One Liners If youre interested in downloading songs on a free basis, there are several aspects to be aware of. Firstly, you should always be sure that the program you choose to download is free, and that its compatible with the platform youre using. So, you can download your …1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. 3. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. 4. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke. 5. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit … See moreI have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work. One liner tags: people, puns, work. 82.67 % / 2415 votes. share. I bought some shoes from a …41. “PMS jokes are not funny — period!”. 42. “I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — all it was doing was gathering dust.”. 43. “It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally.”. 44. “Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.”. 45.Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. Funny One-Liner Jokes I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job." Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball. I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off.Divine Force Cartoons and Comics - funny pictures from CartoonStock Cartoonists Categories Divine Force cartoons and comics 1 result celebrity ghost ghosts ghoul ghouls holy ghost holy spirit holy spirits holy trinity idle Divine Force Cartoon 1 of 1 "Not 'the' holy ghost?" Cartoonist: Mark Lynch Search ID: CS583336 Uploaded: …Top 1435 Best Funny One Liners 2021 You are here: Home Uncategorized Top 1435 Best Funny One… Funny One Liners "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths." "I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila." "I don't have a beer gut.1. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. 2. When somebody says that you are...Funny one liners What's the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck. One liner tags: alcohol, animal, money, puns 82.37 % / 2545 votes. share I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't. One liner tags: attitude, life, sarcastic 82.36 % / 837 votes. shareBoom! One Liners: Funny One Liner Jokes ... About the author. Profile Image for LOL Funny Jokes Club. LOL Funny Jokes Club. 27 books1 follower ...5. Stupid people. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one — him or me — I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. 6. How to get a raise. Bill walks into his boss's office one day and says, "Sir, I'll be straight with you.42 Funny One Liner Jokes by Stephen on March 25, 2013 Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes. o O o A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. o O o How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! o O oI'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here. One liner tags: animal, death, rude, sarcastic. 82.41 % / 1590 votes. share. Please go play with your brother. That's basically the reason we had him. One liner tags: family, rude. 82.34 % / 421 votes.28 common one liners used by presenters: (during your introduction – 1) Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I’ve been doing nothing for years. (during your introduction – 2) I really lack the words to compliment …Funny one-liners on Life. Teaching teenagers these days vary. Sometimes, you need to teach them life’s most valuable lessons in a way of a joke. Don’t take it too seriously because they might flee and run. Use some of these funny one-liners. They may be laughing but at least, they’d be learning the subtle life lessons along with it.Inspirational funny one liners. We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check …Answer (1 of 532): * What is blue and smells just like red paint? Blue paint * I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes. * Things are a lot more like they used to be than they are now. * Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to ...40 of the Funniest One-Liners on the Internet. By Tim Latterner, RD.com Updated: Apr. 09, 2021. When done right, a simple one-liner can deliver the biggest laughs. Take a few cues from the masters, including Mel Brooks, David Letterman and Jim Gaffigan. 1 / 39.136 work jokes that are actually funny and easy to deliver. From the very best dad jokes to one-liners and puns, we've got it all for you!Jan 20, 2021 · Funny One Liners I was gonna tell a time travelling joke but you guys didn’t like it. I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition. My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas. My funny guy, when I look at you, Making faces, as you do, To make me giggle, and keep me happy, When I’m feeling down or sad or cr****, I see someone who’s man enough To just be silly, instead of tough To give me gladness, bliss and joy, That’s my man; that’s my big boy. Happy birthday to the man Who makes me laugh, because he can. Really Funny One-Liners Read those really good short jokes and find yourself laughing like a hyena. What do you call it when a 4'9'' woman dates a 6'5'' man? - A long-distance relationship. What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee? - A depresso. I used to breed rabbits.A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your audience amused (that is, if you’ve calculated your timing perfectly). Burrow had a simple message for the NFL when asked about his team’s spoiling those plans, per NFL Network’s Mike Garafolo: “Better send those refunds.” It’s an epic one-liner and according to...Oct 9, 2022 - Explore John Wendt's board "Funny one liners" on Pinterest. See more ideas about funny, funny quotes, bones funny.Jul 29, 2019 · 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So... About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ...Manchester United legend Keane's best one-liners during his punditry years. You could run a montage of Keane's hilarious comments over the years in punditry.Log In My Account kr. mq; nzHere are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. 6 / 102 Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender....The flowchart has gone viral again, with many netizens resharing it. The show is based on the popular concept of the show of the same name – Shark Tank USA. It launched its first season in ...A magnifying glass. It indicates, "Click to perform a search". ud. hdJul 29, 2019 · One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. “I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'” – Tim Vine “My grandfather... The flowchart has gone viral again, with many netizens resharing it. The show is based on the popular concept of the show of the same name – Shark Tank USA. It launched its first season in ...The priest rolls down the window and a strong smell of wine wafts out. "Have you been drinking, Father?" asks the Garda. "Just water," replied the priest. "I can smell wine, Father," said the Garda. The priest looks from the bottle to the heavens. "Good Lord, he's done it again!".News_of_Entwives: The shovel really was a groundbreaking invention. eraser_dust: "Letting go of a loved one can be hard, but sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.". DukeMcGoober: Then God said unto John: "Come forth and receive eternal life.". But John came fifth and won a toaster.New funny one liners My wife goes out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor.I wouldn't mind but she passed her driving test in 2018. One liner tags: marriage, school, women 63.96 % / 20 votes. I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. One liner tags: marriage, mistake, women 77.45 % / 41 votes.

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